today i walked to the cafe in the next village over. the first time i visited this place, i was dressed in my brothers clothes, as i had left the house so urgently, and my makeup had smeared, as i cried the whole way over.
today, i feel more balanced. i brought my latest knitting project and my journal with me, and i started to feel more like myself again. i haven't been letting myself think too much lately. i'm afraid of letting too many thoughts in. if i let them all wash over me, i don't know if i'll sink or swim. these days, i feel prone to sinking. i know i'm only stinting my growth, but all of that regret hasn't kicked me in the teeth yet.
i walked through the church grounds on my way back home. on the gate, people tie ribbons for each of their prayers. i'm a non-believer myself, but the idea of tying a ribbon does please me.
what would i pray for? drive, perhaps.
